Alternate casting

I was lucky enough to hit record on a classic film the other day - Howard the Duck. A few days later I plopped in front of the televesion with my favorite microwave lasagna and zoomed through this gem. I remember that folks were really excited about this film. It was a George Lucas-produced piece which, coming off the heels of Return of the Jedi, was a big deal. It also featured Lea Thompson, who was incredible in Back to the Future.

Despite the catchy plot of "humanoid duck comes to Earth an befriends a punk rock chick," Howard the Duck was a bomb. It lost something like $21 million based on the domestic box office. The website Box Office Mojo suggests it broke even on the worldwide release - maybe foreign-language dubbing did something for the themes. Moreso this was a huge studio picture with a lot of names behind it that failed to deliver.

Personally, I thought the movie was great. I still think it's great. If for no other reason that there a numerous references and innuendo about the possibility of a male alien duck and a human woman having a sexual relationship. If Howard and Beverly had sealed the deal, the movie would habe been on the AFI top 100 list, guaranteed.

I think they should remake this movie. I read somewhere that Weird Science is being remade. If we are that bankrupt for new ideas, then Howard the Duck should should be at the top of development cycles.

Here's my updated cast list:

Voice of Howard: Zach Braff - this jerkoff needs a hit, big time. And he's already played an anthropomorphic dinner-bird in Chicken Little. Strangely enough, the cute-faced asshole's biggest hit was Chicken Little. Maybe the world isn't ready for Zach Braff's face.

Beverly Switzer: Anna Farris or Julia Stiles - we can debate this, most likely there is even a better choice. I'm imagining in this role an actress who thinks she's street, but has no collateral to back it up. However, the studio wants someone that can potentially open a movie.

Phil Blumburtt: Rainn Wilson - this is a no-brainer. Tim Robbins' costume design (especially the glasses) even looks like Rainn Wilson circa now. Maybe someone has a time machine. If so, they should go back in time and fire the executive who authorized Garden State.

Dr. Walter Jenning: Jeffrey Jones. He may be the only person who can play his roles; definitely a niche actor. Too bad he was arrested in 2003 for possession of child pornography. However, I do think Hollywood has the compassion to forgive that. My second choice for Dr. Jenning is Tom Sizemore.