There was an article today about the show Tosh.0 being Comedy Central's highest rated show - generating greater viewership than The Daily Show or Colbert Report. In all fairness, I've only seen Tosh.0 once, but it appears to be a clearing-house of Internet-cultivated videos packaged together with B-level commentary. And these are videos you may have already found; e.g. "bat in a toilet" and "we auto-tuned my deaf friend."
How did this happen? How is the highest rated show on a television network solely based on the Internet? I'm not knocking the Internet. I love the Internet, I have all of its albums. But I thought that at night we watched TV shows and at work we watched Internet videos.
That's what America was built on.
What screws me up even more is that, a few days ago, Prince declared that the Internet is dead. He broke all the rules by releasing his new album with traditional paper distribution NEWSPAPER.
What's next? Someone reading a book on a fax machine?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Oscar time
This year, I know one of the Oscar nominees. Well, by "know," I mean, "I am an acquaintance of." Jason Reitman, nominated for Juno, is a college friend of my dear friend, Todd. The two of them attended USC together. Now, Todd is a creative executive at Jason's production company, Hard C.
There's is a great story - one that deserves more than just a brief mention - of me meeting Jason in the Spring of 1998. It was my first trip to Los Angeles and I was going to hang out with Todd. Strangely enough (and this would on subsequent trips), it rained the entire time I was there.
The trip was pretty incredible. I performed with Todd's college improv troupe, went to a few shows at the Groundlings, and tore up the town as best as two under-21 kids could do. After on of the shows at the Groundlings, Jason asked us if we wanted to go over to the Universal lot. At the time, Jason's father, Ivan Reitman, had offices there. Of course, we said yes.
Again, the full story is for another time, but we basically got an incredible backstage tour of the lot. We rode around on golf carts at 3:00a, got hassled by security, ate a bunch of candy, saw the Back to the Future clock tower. For Jason, this was old hat; for us it was amazing.
Anywho, the trip ends and I go back to Chicago. Jason and I keep in touch on AOL instant messenger. I guess the old AOL IM client auto-saved chat transcripts. When pouring through an archival disk from an old computer system I came across this transcript. The date on it is 3/31/98 - just shy of ten years ago.
At one point in the chat, Jason makes a reference to the Oscars. If he wins on Sunday, we may get to see this actualized.
Ed. notes: I've replaced the instant messenger screen names to protect the possibility that they may still be in use. And I've done my best to keep formatting, spelling, and grammar intact. Some content has been removed. The Robert DeNiro reference at the beginning is due to the fact that some people think I resemble DeNiro.
Seidner/Jason Reitman 3/31/98 6:11p CST
Justin (6:11:51 PM): Hi Jason, this is Justin.
Jason (6:12:59 PM): Justin? Texan Justin? Little Bobby Deniro Justin?
Justin (6:13:07 PM): That's me.
Jason (6:13:31 PM): Man those buddy charts really work fast huh?
Jason (6:13:40 PM): You scared the crap out of me.
Justin (6:14:01 PM): I'm sorry. This im thing is scary, I guess. That little "
Justin (6:14:10 PM): ring" can be frightening.
###
Jason (6:14:22 PM): I just got an e-mail about a virtual girlfriend... have you heard about it?
Justin (6:14:48 PM): no. what is it?
Jason (6:15:43 PM): It's a program that treats you like a boyrfriend... I guess it yells, nags, and makes you pay for dinner
Jason (6:16:02 PM): that would be a funny sketch
Justin (6:16:44 PM): that's pretty interesting, you could even get into some kind of virtual abuse and reconciliation, kids, parents. Like those virtual pets that you have to feed and stuff.
Justin (6:17:03 PM): The Family for the guy on the move (or travelling or in the military).
Jason (6:17:35 PM): Guy: Hey how are you?PC: where's my fucking ring?Guy: how about a back massage?PC: How about some fucking flowers asshole
Jason (6:18:54 PM): You know as a sketch...
Justin (6:19:20 PM): nice, it's a good idea. The slogan could be something like, "All the rewards of family life, but can be anhiliated by the press of a button."
Jason (6:19:33 PM): Nice.
###
Ed. note: at this point, a friend of Jason’s sends me an instant message. I get sent on a run-around trying to figure out who it is.
Jason (6:59:39 PM): Hey, I just got this e-mail that somone named (Screenname removed) has been harrasing aol users and if she IM's you, you're supposed to turn her in. Crazy huh?
Justin (7:00:12 PM): curious. I just got im'ed by (Screenname removed).
Jason (7:00:23 PM): are you shitting me?
Justin (7:00:50 PM): nope. But I get like 10 new im's a day, most of which I have no idea who they are.
Jason (7:01:07 PM): Dude, what did she say?
Justin (7:01:47 PM): Just like, "Hi, how are you?" And I'm always like, "Sorry, you're not ringing any bells." Then we played the guessing game for a few minutes.
Jason (7:02:26 PM): She didn't say anything about I know where you live, is your five year old son home?
Justin (7:03:25 PM): no, nothing of the sort. did she im you?
Jason (7:03:46 PM): IT's (Name removed)... come on man
Justin (7:04:04 PM): that's what I thought. She said guess, and I was like, (Name removed)?
Justin (7:04:12 PM): and she was like, "Nope, guess again."
Jason (7:04:16 PM): what did she say?3.
Jason (7:04:25 PM): LOL
Justin (7:04:32 PM): Well, she said that I touched her, in many ways.
Justin (7:04:48 PM): I asked if (Screenname removed) was a Middle Eastern name, she said no.
Jason (7:04:53 PM): What the... I'm going to kill her
Justin (7:05:22 PM): look, some people just don't know of the pimpological powers that my small frame carries.
Jason (7:05:33 PM): lol.
Justin (7:05:37 PM): I did get my masters in Pimpieval studies.
Jason (7:05:43 PM): how many times have you used that one?
Justin (7:05:53 PM): Pimpieval?
Jason (7:06:08 PM): pimpological powers that my small frame carries.
Justin (7:06:37 PM): A couple of times, mainly in the developing of a sketch about pimps. Pimps fascinate me. Chris Rock's new book (awesome!) has a hillarious section on pimps.
Jason (7:07:42 PM): Really... I've been thinking of changing my name to pimp
Jason (7:07:52 PM): Ladies and gentleman, Pimp Reitman
Justin (7:08:49 PM): Most people only see the negative connotations that "Pimp" carries. The only people that recognize Pimp as an acceptable name are English Literature Scholars, but they think I'm saying Pip.
Justin (7:09:25 PM): Pimp Reitman would be pretty cool. When I go to this restaurant in Houston that takes names for reservations, I always give Pimp, it's so fun to hear it over the speaker.
Jason (7:10:08 PM): LOL
Jason (7:10:47 PM): I've always wnated to name a film of mine "going home in a new car" so if it wins an oscar, they'd say... and the winner is... going home in a new car
Justin (7:13:04 PM): You could totally wean a car out of the Academy, why not name it, "Going to Get Some Action Aonight." or "The Greatest Sex-Machine In the World."
There's a band called "Free Beer," so their flyers attract a nice crowd, but then there are just a bunch of angry sober people ... so their motor skills are much more in tune.
Jason (7:14:09 PM): You've got to wonder about the quality of a band named free beer
Jason (7:14:33 PM): I'm going to name my band Free Hooch
###
Jason (7:16:27 PM): I'm going to go now. Try to write
Jason (7:16:34 PM): I'll see you later
Justin (7:16:46 PM): Catch you later.
Jason (7:16:50 PM): bye
Justin (7:16:53 PM): bye
--end--
There's is a great story - one that deserves more than just a brief mention - of me meeting Jason in the Spring of 1998. It was my first trip to Los Angeles and I was going to hang out with Todd. Strangely enough (and this would on subsequent trips), it rained the entire time I was there.
The trip was pretty incredible. I performed with Todd's college improv troupe, went to a few shows at the Groundlings, and tore up the town as best as two under-21 kids could do. After on of the shows at the Groundlings, Jason asked us if we wanted to go over to the Universal lot. At the time, Jason's father, Ivan Reitman, had offices there. Of course, we said yes.
Again, the full story is for another time, but we basically got an incredible backstage tour of the lot. We rode around on golf carts at 3:00a, got hassled by security, ate a bunch of candy, saw the Back to the Future clock tower. For Jason, this was old hat; for us it was amazing.
Anywho, the trip ends and I go back to Chicago. Jason and I keep in touch on AOL instant messenger. I guess the old AOL IM client auto-saved chat transcripts. When pouring through an archival disk from an old computer system I came across this transcript. The date on it is 3/31/98 - just shy of ten years ago.
At one point in the chat, Jason makes a reference to the Oscars. If he wins on Sunday, we may get to see this actualized.
Ed. notes: I've replaced the instant messenger screen names to protect the possibility that they may still be in use. And I've done my best to keep formatting, spelling, and grammar intact. Some content has been removed. The Robert DeNiro reference at the beginning is due to the fact that some people think I resemble DeNiro.
Seidner/Jason Reitman 3/31/98 6:11p CST
Justin (6:11:51 PM): Hi Jason, this is Justin.
Jason (6:12:59 PM): Justin? Texan Justin? Little Bobby Deniro Justin?
Justin (6:13:07 PM): That's me.
Jason (6:13:31 PM): Man those buddy charts really work fast huh?
Jason (6:13:40 PM): You scared the crap out of me.
Justin (6:14:01 PM): I'm sorry. This im thing is scary, I guess. That little "
Justin (6:14:10 PM): ring" can be frightening.
###
Jason (6:14:22 PM): I just got an e-mail about a virtual girlfriend... have you heard about it?
Justin (6:14:48 PM): no. what is it?
Jason (6:15:43 PM): It's a program that treats you like a boyrfriend... I guess it yells, nags, and makes you pay for dinner
Jason (6:16:02 PM): that would be a funny sketch
Justin (6:16:44 PM): that's pretty interesting, you could even get into some kind of virtual abuse and reconciliation, kids, parents. Like those virtual pets that you have to feed and stuff.
Justin (6:17:03 PM): The Family for the guy on the move (or travelling or in the military).
Jason (6:17:35 PM): Guy: Hey how are you?PC: where's my fucking ring?Guy: how about a back massage?PC: How about some fucking flowers asshole
Jason (6:18:54 PM): You know as a sketch...
Justin (6:19:20 PM): nice, it's a good idea. The slogan could be something like, "All the rewards of family life, but can be anhiliated by the press of a button."
Jason (6:19:33 PM): Nice.
###
Ed. note: at this point, a friend of Jason’s sends me an instant message. I get sent on a run-around trying to figure out who it is.
Jason (6:59:39 PM): Hey, I just got this e-mail that somone named (Screenname removed) has been harrasing aol users and if she IM's you, you're supposed to turn her in. Crazy huh?
Justin (7:00:12 PM): curious. I just got im'ed by (Screenname removed).
Jason (7:00:23 PM): are you shitting me?
Justin (7:00:50 PM): nope. But I get like 10 new im's a day, most of which I have no idea who they are.
Jason (7:01:07 PM): Dude, what did she say?
Justin (7:01:47 PM): Just like, "Hi, how are you?" And I'm always like, "Sorry, you're not ringing any bells." Then we played the guessing game for a few minutes.
Jason (7:02:26 PM): She didn't say anything about I know where you live, is your five year old son home?
Justin (7:03:25 PM): no, nothing of the sort. did she im you?
Jason (7:03:46 PM): IT's (Name removed)... come on man
Justin (7:04:04 PM): that's what I thought. She said guess, and I was like, (Name removed)?
Justin (7:04:12 PM): and she was like, "Nope, guess again."
Jason (7:04:16 PM): what did she say?3.
Jason (7:04:25 PM): LOL
Justin (7:04:32 PM): Well, she said that I touched her, in many ways.
Justin (7:04:48 PM): I asked if (Screenname removed) was a Middle Eastern name, she said no.
Jason (7:04:53 PM): What the... I'm going to kill her
Justin (7:05:22 PM): look, some people just don't know of the pimpological powers that my small frame carries.
Jason (7:05:33 PM): lol.
Justin (7:05:37 PM): I did get my masters in Pimpieval studies.
Jason (7:05:43 PM): how many times have you used that one?
Justin (7:05:53 PM): Pimpieval?
Jason (7:06:08 PM): pimpological powers that my small frame carries.
Justin (7:06:37 PM): A couple of times, mainly in the developing of a sketch about pimps. Pimps fascinate me. Chris Rock's new book (awesome!) has a hillarious section on pimps.
Jason (7:07:42 PM): Really... I've been thinking of changing my name to pimp
Jason (7:07:52 PM): Ladies and gentleman, Pimp Reitman
Justin (7:08:49 PM): Most people only see the negative connotations that "Pimp" carries. The only people that recognize Pimp as an acceptable name are English Literature Scholars, but they think I'm saying Pip.
Justin (7:09:25 PM): Pimp Reitman would be pretty cool. When I go to this restaurant in Houston that takes names for reservations, I always give Pimp, it's so fun to hear it over the speaker.
Jason (7:10:08 PM): LOL
Jason (7:10:47 PM): I've always wnated to name a film of mine "going home in a new car" so if it wins an oscar, they'd say... and the winner is... going home in a new car
Justin (7:13:04 PM): You could totally wean a car out of the Academy, why not name it, "Going to Get Some Action Aonight." or "The Greatest Sex-Machine In the World."
There's a band called "Free Beer," so their flyers attract a nice crowd, but then there are just a bunch of angry sober people ... so their motor skills are much more in tune.
Jason (7:14:09 PM): You've got to wonder about the quality of a band named free beer
Jason (7:14:33 PM): I'm going to name my band Free Hooch
###
Jason (7:16:27 PM): I'm going to go now. Try to write
Jason (7:16:34 PM): I'll see you later
Justin (7:16:46 PM): Catch you later.
Jason (7:16:50 PM): bye
Justin (7:16:53 PM): bye
--end--
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Correspondence
My friend David got married in November of last. He's a great guy and deserves the best. With approximately 20 of his friends on the e-mail distribution list, round and round we went trying to schedule his bachelor party.
Below is a response note that I put together as party options started to take form.
A couple of explanations:
1. Foursight is a literary management firm run by several of my friend's college buddies. I love these guys.
2. Beacock is a person. Although, I don't even recall meeting him or being introduced to him at the wedding.
3. The three ideas for the bachelor party were: camping, a Los Angeles adventure, and a NYC/Atlantic City weekend. USC vs. Arizona was eventually chosen.
4. Guidry is the most amazing person you will never meet.
Here's the e-mail:
Dear Hand-job specialists,
Thanks for all the stunning commentary over the past few days, I’ve already created a folder on Microsoft Entourage titled “All talk, no balls.” For those of you who I know, I’m looking forward to passing out with you at the wedding. And everyone who I haven’t met ... some of you have email addresses that sound like STDs when spoken aloud.
Although I do applaud Waldman for copying email addresses into a mail client and pressing send, I take pause when I am reminded of the thousands of over-promised/under-delivered events he has coordinated (file under New Year’s Eve 2005, 2007). But at least he set the ground work for three almost unachievable ideas, if there was any rhyme-or-reason to his list, my face would have melted off.
I won’t even respond to the camping option. Who the fuck does anyone think they are that a group of Jewish men would EVER want to go camping. If I wanted to daisy chain ten other guys, I’d FedEX myself into a staff meeting at Foursight. Sorry, that was rude, I don’t even know those guys. I only know the list of girls they haven’t closed.
Los Angeles is close second to camping. What better city comes to mind when trying to plan a trip that involves drinking? What about Detroit, Houston, or any other city that doesn’t have a taxi system. Why don’t we just take turns driving up and down the 10 at rush hour? At least then we’ll be more likely to perish. Group transportation? If somehow we end up on a party bus, I will direct the homeless guy parading as a chauffer to drive us into the sea.
My vote is for NYC and its corollary of Atlantic City. There is no better place to invite the devil to ruin our lives. An experience so chthonic and hateful that when we escape from it (no more than 50% of us) there will be so much confusion we’ll have to run a slide-show at the rehearsal dinner just to explain it. Any place that has gambling, steaks, cigars, and tranny’s (I’m looking at you Beacock, whoever you are) has my vote. And if the evening ends WITHOUT a game of Russian Roulette, I will buy everyone a souvenir hat. That’s a promise. We start in NYC, limosuine to Atlantic City. We have such big balls that we don’t even book hotel rooms.
That’s my vote.
One final note. A few years ago Guidry told me about a girl he dated that was born without a vagina. She had no hole or clitoris, just skin. He said that she needed surgery to give her a hole so she could have sex. I was blown away. To be honest, I didn’t believe him, especially when Guidry said that when he went down, her new anatomy smelled like poop. This is not a joke.
Flash-forward to today. Below is a link to an article on this affliction.
http://www.medhelp.org/www/ais/articles/BORN.HTM
Looking forward to the celebration.
Best,
Justin
--end--
Below is a response note that I put together as party options started to take form.
A couple of explanations:
1. Foursight is a literary management firm run by several of my friend's college buddies. I love these guys.
2. Beacock is a person. Although, I don't even recall meeting him or being introduced to him at the wedding.
3. The three ideas for the bachelor party were: camping, a Los Angeles adventure, and a NYC/Atlantic City weekend. USC vs. Arizona was eventually chosen.
4. Guidry is the most amazing person you will never meet.
Here's the e-mail:
Dear Hand-job specialists,
Thanks for all the stunning commentary over the past few days, I’ve already created a folder on Microsoft Entourage titled “All talk, no balls.” For those of you who I know, I’m looking forward to passing out with you at the wedding. And everyone who I haven’t met ... some of you have email addresses that sound like STDs when spoken aloud.
Although I do applaud Waldman for copying email addresses into a mail client and pressing send, I take pause when I am reminded of the thousands of over-promised/under-delivered events he has coordinated (file under New Year’s Eve 2005, 2007). But at least he set the ground work for three almost unachievable ideas, if there was any rhyme-or-reason to his list, my face would have melted off.
I won’t even respond to the camping option. Who the fuck does anyone think they are that a group of Jewish men would EVER want to go camping. If I wanted to daisy chain ten other guys, I’d FedEX myself into a staff meeting at Foursight. Sorry, that was rude, I don’t even know those guys. I only know the list of girls they haven’t closed.
Los Angeles is close second to camping. What better city comes to mind when trying to plan a trip that involves drinking? What about Detroit, Houston, or any other city that doesn’t have a taxi system. Why don’t we just take turns driving up and down the 10 at rush hour? At least then we’ll be more likely to perish. Group transportation? If somehow we end up on a party bus, I will direct the homeless guy parading as a chauffer to drive us into the sea.
My vote is for NYC and its corollary of Atlantic City. There is no better place to invite the devil to ruin our lives. An experience so chthonic and hateful that when we escape from it (no more than 50% of us) there will be so much confusion we’ll have to run a slide-show at the rehearsal dinner just to explain it. Any place that has gambling, steaks, cigars, and tranny’s (I’m looking at you Beacock, whoever you are) has my vote. And if the evening ends WITHOUT a game of Russian Roulette, I will buy everyone a souvenir hat. That’s a promise. We start in NYC, limosuine to Atlantic City. We have such big balls that we don’t even book hotel rooms.
That’s my vote.
One final note. A few years ago Guidry told me about a girl he dated that was born without a vagina. She had no hole or clitoris, just skin. He said that she needed surgery to give her a hole so she could have sex. I was blown away. To be honest, I didn’t believe him, especially when Guidry said that when he went down, her new anatomy smelled like poop. This is not a joke.
Flash-forward to today. Below is a link to an article on this affliction.
http://www.medhelp.org/www/ais/articles/BORN.HTM
Looking forward to the celebration.
Best,
Justin
--end--
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Ulysses
Hi Folks. Sorry for the absence, but things have been crazy.
I have a request. Over the course of the holidays, I accrued $50 in iTunes gift certificates. These gift certificates were awesome to get, particularly because I am in dire need of some new music.
This is where you come in.
Please give me some suggestions for music tracks to download. Please suggest single tracks, opposed to entire albums, as I want these picks to stretch over as many tastes as possible. But feel free to suggest multiple tracks. Even better if these are songs that you are listening to right now.
Thanks, in advance.
I have a request. Over the course of the holidays, I accrued $50 in iTunes gift certificates. These gift certificates were awesome to get, particularly because I am in dire need of some new music.
This is where you come in.
Please give me some suggestions for music tracks to download. Please suggest single tracks, opposed to entire albums, as I want these picks to stretch over as many tastes as possible. But feel free to suggest multiple tracks. Even better if these are songs that you are listening to right now.
Thanks, in advance.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Boyz in the Hood meets the OC
Sunday, as I drove out to Beardy's suburban oasis I had an idea for a television show. I know, I know, there's a writer's strike (believe me, I know), but at some point it will be over and this show will be ready to crush the primetime schedule.
Here's the pitch:
Crossin' Lines
Urban Real-life Family Comedy
Synopsis: Augustus and Carol Washington are professors at the University of Southern California. Amidst their collaborative research on race in America, the two of them found love, got married, and had twin sons. With their research focusing on equality and social justice, it is only apropos that their bi-racial marriage produced one black twin and one white twin. Teaching these two boys to love and honor people of all backgrounds, and choosing to live near the USC campus in rough-and-tumble Compton, the Washingtons are the new urban, nuclear family.
The pilot episode begins with Chad and Marq starting their senior year at Compton High School. Marq is is smart, athletic, and popular. Chad's life is in a state of upheaval primarily due to the fact that he is a white kid going to high school in Compton because parents think it is a good social experiment. In an attempt to bolster Chad's confidence, Marq convinces him to run for class president; with Marq running a grassroots campaign to get his brother elected. However, before Chad's name gets on the ballot, the gangs that run Compton High will have to give their approval. To make matters even more complicated at the school, there's a new, beautiful girl starting classes - and no one can figure out her ethnicity! Principal Whitefried hosts talent night in an attempt to bring everyone together through performance.
Starring: Mario van Peebles / Lori Loughlin / Jason Alexander / Malcolm David Kelley / Jonathan Lipnicki
Status: Second draft complete
Here's the pitch:
Crossin' Lines
Urban Real-life Family Comedy
Synopsis: Augustus and Carol Washington are professors at the University of Southern California. Amidst their collaborative research on race in America, the two of them found love, got married, and had twin sons. With their research focusing on equality and social justice, it is only apropos that their bi-racial marriage produced one black twin and one white twin. Teaching these two boys to love and honor people of all backgrounds, and choosing to live near the USC campus in rough-and-tumble Compton, the Washingtons are the new urban, nuclear family.
The pilot episode begins with Chad and Marq starting their senior year at Compton High School. Marq is is smart, athletic, and popular. Chad's life is in a state of upheaval primarily due to the fact that he is a white kid going to high school in Compton because parents think it is a good social experiment. In an attempt to bolster Chad's confidence, Marq convinces him to run for class president; with Marq running a grassroots campaign to get his brother elected. However, before Chad's name gets on the ballot, the gangs that run Compton High will have to give their approval. To make matters even more complicated at the school, there's a new, beautiful girl starting classes - and no one can figure out her ethnicity! Principal Whitefried hosts talent night in an attempt to bring everyone together through performance.
Starring: Mario van Peebles / Lori Loughlin / Jason Alexander / Malcolm David Kelley / Jonathan Lipnicki
Status: Second draft complete
Thursday, December 6, 2007
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